Hello Subway. Please attention. Me need attention please now. If me don’t get attention now, me will go like totally insane and probably poo on floor. Me am not bluffing.
Thank you.
Me Man. Me name Booga Ooga Booga Booga. Me want money. Me need money to pay for new stick.
Last stick broke fighting Lion.
Lion not die.
Need new stick ASAP.
Me no have experience for job because whole life work on making stick to fight. Stick very unique. Then people say AI take jobs of creatives. Me not know exactly what that mean, but me pretty sure me fucked.
Me dedicate whole life to dream and evil computer god take it from me.
Many moons ago me took spirit quest to find ancestor spirit animal. It was lion.
Me go in search of lion to unite spirits, but instead lion try to kill me. Me think: Uh Oh, and then I hit it with my big stick.
My parents give me big stick as cave-college graduation gift. Me sad me break gift so soon after graduation, but me was in life or death situation.
Hey. Pay attention. This important part of story to understand motivation. You. Yes, you. There, in yellow chair. On phone. Look at me.
There. Good. You lucky me not have stick yet.
Me continue.
When me told parents about stick break, they say it was all right, but then Father said under breath that he “no break his stick.”
Me call him out on this bullshit because it no supportive. Plus it no take into account important differences. Thing were easier when he my age. Much more baby die. Make easier to find good wood for stick if less people looking.
And his spirit animal was only hyena.
He act like he did not say it, but me definitely heard him. Me told him that when he was young it was easy, but now he thirty and soon to die.
He said he was joking and to not be so easy to offend.
Mother offer me rock, which is kind of like stick, but me say me not want it. Then father say how ungrateful me is. But I know that me not be able to kill lion with rock, and then me would just look like even bigger idiot.
We agree to disagree.
Then lion come to eat me again and I run away.
I run very far, but lion do not stop chasing. I run through field and then desert and then another field and then through trees. Whole time lion follow me.
Finally, me run to icy mountain and fall in hole.
Me asleep for long time and then someone find me. Me afraid it lion, but it is another man. Me confused because me only met mother and father. He say he not them. His name is Scientist and he say me frozen for thousand of years and now is future.
Me not know how to count though, so it pretty much all go over my head.
After he teach me some words, he take me to big stone forest filled with other people (who also aren’t my mother or father). Whole time on way me ask about lion. He say he do not understand. Me not fully believe him.
Finally, he bring me to big show room with many people. Still no mother or father. They ask many question. Me not know answers.
Then me ask if there is lion nearby.
They say yes, there is “one in the nearby zoo.”
Me not know what zoo is, but me do know me has been played; Scientist clearly in league with Lion.
Me totally freak out and run out of building.
Me running down stone forest and me see entrance to hole. Me know it not hole me fell down in mountain, but me think it at least a start. Me go down hole and end up here.
Me can only assume lion is hot on my trail. Please give me money so me can buy a stick to defend myself.
Any who donate to cause will be rewarded with lion meat and any shiny stones me find on ground, please place money in my loincloth.
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