Dear Yugoslavia,
We, the delegation of Turkmenistan, appreciate your desire to be in an alliance with our country. While we do appreciate our connection, we have always seen our relationship as one of trading partners. We would like to remain trading partners, as we have always loved the dynamic between our two countries in global summits, and consider you to be one of our closest trading partners.
Sincerely,
Turkmenistan
Dear Turkmenistan,
We completely understand this wish. We too greatly appreciate the friendship between our two countries, and do not want this to come between us.
Warmly,
Yugoslavia
…
Dear Yugoslavia,
It has come to our attention that recently, you have been making comments to others in our global committee regarding our refusal of your proposed alliance. We thought you were fine with our commitment to remaining trade partners?
Turkmenistan
Dear Turkmenistan,
We do not know what you are talking about. Our delegation does not care at all that you rejected our offer. But, the delegation of Yugoslavia will admit, the last time we spoke with our colleagues in the global committee, those countries told us that you were totally leading us on.
Yugoslavia
P.S.
Which country told you we said those things?
Dear Yugoslavia,
Our delegation has never led you on in any such fashion. Anything you believe may have been some sort of anything has purely been a product of your own propaganda machine, and in no way reflects what actually happened between our two countries.
Turkmenistan
Dear Turkmenistan,
Suuuuure, so that one time you specifically sought after us to trade four thousand tons of copper (even though you totally knew any other country in our global committee would be happy to trade with you) wasn’t flirting.
Sarcastically,
Yugoslavia
Dear Yugoslavia,
That was done as a close trading partner and nothing more. It is not our fault you chose to look for more in simple trading partner activities.
Turkmenistan
Dear Turkmenistan,
Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure.
Yugoslavia
…
Dear Turkmenistan,
Hey, can we talk?
Yugoslavia
Dear Yugoslavia,
what
Turkmenistan
Dear Turkmenistan,
Did you really never like us?
Yugoslavia
Dear Yugoslavia,
Are you drunk?
Turkmenistan
Dear Turkmenistan,
Our beloved country has a very serious drinking problem, so yes, of course. Also, it is Friday, so who cares anyway?
Yugoslavia
Dear Yugoslavia,
Go to bed buddy.
Turkmenistan
Dear Turkmenistan,
No. Answer question first. You owe our delegation.
Yugoslavia
Dear Yugoslavia,
Jesus Christ. No, we did not like you as more than anything other than a trading partner. And guess what? You ruined that too.
Turkmenistan
Dear Turkmenistan,
Damn. Like not even a little bit?
Yugoslavia
Dear Yugoslavia
This is my hell.
Goodbye forever,
Turkmenistan
Dear Turkmenistan,
What can we, do to make you give an alliance with us a chance?
Yugoslavia
…
Dear Turkmenistan,
Hey, sorry about all those messages. We understand if you don’t want to trade with me anymore.
Yugoslavia
…
Dear Turkmenistan,
Guess what? We’re drunk again. All 400,000 of us. We don’t even give a shit anymore. Maybe we’ll start a war with you. Or maybe we’ll just say “fuck it” and have a civil war to end it all. We know you won’t care because you don’t give a rat’s ass about our delegation. If you did maybe you would have tried being in an alliance with us.
Yuglsba
Dear Turkenmssian
We love you.
Yugoslavia.
Dear Yugoslavia,
Unfortunately, this country is no longer receiving messages from your service carrier. Apologies for any difficulties.
Thank you,
International Postal Service
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