Honest Cover Letter

Dear Hiring Team, 

If it is not already painfully clear, I have written this cover letter through Chat GPT. While my letter may appear exactly the same as every other cover letter you, an overworked HR manager, are being tasked with reading, I do not foresee this being an issue to pursue the vague opening to your [insert company] in the slightest

I have various internships that taught me useful skills that I hope to bring to further utilize at your company. For instance, I am now quite adept at timing my coffee to bathroom break regiment in order to effectively waste the maximum amount of time. I also will state I am proficient in both excel and the Microsoft Suite. I have never used either, but I plan to look up some youtube videos before my first day. 

Further, I am aware that I am missing some of the requirements that are listed as mandatory on the job board. I have no ability to make up for this problem and will instead hope that you aren’t paying attention. I know I wasn’t, this is the thirtieth application I’ve sent in today, and to say I skimmed the job details would be an overstatement. 

I do not live anywhere close to this opening, but I have somehow convinced myself that I will be able to find housing and move in the two weeks before this job is listed as starting. 

Finally, I want to add how little this job actually means to me. I will forget I applied here in thirty seconds, and will only tell myself this was my number one job if you contact me in any way. 

I have attached my resume, which is 90% exaggeration and 10% straight-up lie, as well as my contact info. My phone is constantly harassed by spam calls and I never check my email, but I do not foresee either of those facets being an issue. 

Sincerely (not), 

[Insert Name]