Lunch at a Bar

I hope we all explode

I’m Brett Olendecker, by the way.

But yeah, I hope the world explodes. I’ve given it some thought, and I really think this is the best outcome for everyone. 

You know how Michael Jordan went out when he was on top? No, I don’t count the Wizards years obviously. That’s kind of what I’m envisioning for the Earth. Let’s just call it now while we still have some dignity. I mean let’s look at the way the world is going; climate change, racism, Louis CK jerked off in front of those girls, and to top it all off, my new job identifies people by their initials. 

I could handle the other stuff. I mean I’m a white guy so none of it really affected me anyway. Hell, Louis’ newest special was fucking hilarious. But then I had to start wearing a badge that reduced me to just two letters. B.O. 

Only took a few days for Steve, the office comedian, to start calling me Stink. 

My life is a living hell. 

The other day I asked I.T. if I could get my badge replaced, and they said it would take a few weeks to make a specialty I.D. 

A few weeks? I do not have that kind of time. Nicknames like Stink last if you let them sit. It is just too good. Too clever.

Damn you Steve.

Nope. It’s time for the world to go. 

If I, and other people probably, have to go through issues like this, then I honestly think this world is better off a fiery hellscape. 

My boss calls me Stink too. 

He did it by accident but still. He came into my office the other day to talk about my work ethic since I’ve pretty much checked out at this point, and right there it slipped out.

“Hey Stink, I’ve noticed that you’re not working up to our usual standard of blah blah blah…” 

I didn’t even have the heart to tell him what he’d just done. I just said, 

“Yes Mr. President, I’ll work harder” and then went back to pretending to oversee our nuclear defense arsenal. But in reality, I’m just like, a million miles away.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, my new job is the head of the United States nuclear missile defense system. I’m not supposed to say that in public technically, but honestly, who even cares at this point. 

My whole life, I had avoided using my initials. I knew what was at stake. The tightrope that I walked.

But when I was offered this job, I knew it was a risk I’d have to take. I just never realized how brutal it’d be. 

But now don’t you get it? How far gone this whole thing is? I mean can we really act like our world deserves to keep going if there’s shit like what I’m dealing with out there?

Well, thanks for sharing a beer with me, I probably have to go back to work. Oh don’t worry, I’ll walk back. It’ll be good for me anyway, a nice long walk to think over some stuff. 

I’ve got a lot to think about.