Manic-Pixie Dream Guy

Come one, come all, to the grand unveiling of society’s greatest new discovery: the Manic Pixie Dream Guy.

No, this is no hunk, jock, nerd, or stud, in an exciting leap in man/woman relations, we have found the missing link to human archetypes: the counter to the manic-pixie Dream girl. What does that mean you ask?

I’ll tell you.

Manic Pixie Dream Guy, seen in this here hardened-steel cage, eating a banana from bottom to top, is similar to the manic-pixie dream girl, with a few key differences.

For starters, Manic Pixie Dream Guy, like the manic-pixie dream girl, is very mysterious. But it goes even further with the male. Nobody knows where he comes from, and we definitely don’t know where he’s going. He also may be a being of primordial chaos.

In fact, I am not even fully aware of where we found this specimen. All I know is that it was dark, and then it became light, and I screamed for forty-two hours.

Manic Pixie Dream Guy isn’t like other guys.

He’s different.

Manic Pixie Dream Guy loves telling trading secrets. He’ll creep up right next to you, quiet as a ghost, and whisper one of his many, many, secrets into your ear. Pure, unadulterated terror will wash over you as the magnitude of what he has described is laid before your naked ears, and before you can even fade into the blissful ignorance of unconsciousness (as almost every interaction with the Manic Pixie Dream Guy results in fainting), he’s stolen a secret of your own.

Manic Pixie Dream Guy has six toes on each of his feet and eyes without pupils.

Manic Pixie Dream Guy is quirky to the max. He likes to sit alone, thinking quirky thoughts about his quirky life. Sometimes, instead of saying regular words, he’ll say something quirky like “doobie-bop” or “Razzle-scazzle” or “I foresee the end of humanity razed upon fields of blood.”

Manic Pixie Dream Guy loves music, but only the quirky kind. For instance, he doesn’t even know about the Drake/Kendrick beef. The only music Manic Pixie Dream Guy knows is the screams of sinners being punished for all of eternity.

And Bob Dylan (Manic Pixie Dream Guy is a huge Timothee Chalamet fan).

Manic Pixie Dream Guy doesn’t use a phone. He’s too focused on having real interactions with people in the moment. For instance, we once spoke to each other in conversation for thirteen consecutive hours; he made me answer his riddles three in exchange for my soul.

Talk about people skills!

Manic Pixie Guy isn’t just for girls either. He’s interested in anything and everything that “has something worth taking.”

Behold the great new archetype, the inescapable Manic-Pixie Dream Guy!

He’s escaped from his cage, you say?

Dear god.