Inside
“But I don’t want to go,” Effy said, looking out of the tunnel, shivering as a cold breeze echoed in through the entrance.
“Well Effluvium, at a certain point its just your time,” her cousin Ordure said, “and right now, it’s your time.”
Effy knew this of course. As soon as she came into existence she’d known that at some point, she’d stand before the great white tunnel and have to go through. She was the last of her group, Ordure excluded of course.
Ordure still had a bit to go, she hadn’t made the cut for the prior exit, so she was being held back with a later group. But that was Ordure, not Effy.
Effy supposed that all things considered, it hadn’t been a bad run. Certainly better than most of her kind.
Which, of course, was a fart.
To be more exact, her vessel had eaten a carnitas bowl from Chipotle, and Effy was one of the last remnants of that meal, standing at the pearly white gates of oblivion.
Somebody called from farther back in the queue, they seemed to be in a hurry to get the line moving again. Effy assumed the body must have dranken some milk.
Effy gazed at Ordure one last time. She had a few undigested pinto beans sticking out from her, she was never afraid of being utterly herself. She was beautiful.
“Well,” Effy said quietly, “smell you later.”
Effy stepped through the tunnel. The light was blinding. She could feel the air begin to pull her apart. She flashed a melancholy smile inwards. I hope I don’t smell too bad.
Outside
PPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHFFFFFFFRRRRRRRLLLLLUUURRRRPPPPPSSSSTTTTTSHHHHEEEEEEEEEEETTTQUE. squeak.
“Holy shit, who just ripped ass?”
“It wasn’t me.”
“Look at Tom’s fucking grin.”
“I didn’t fucking fart, it just sounded funny!”
“It wasn’t me, y’all know I would have taken credit for that if it was.”
“That’s almost as embarrassing as fucking sharting your pants Frank.”
“Why aren’t the windows rolling down?!”
“Andrew, take the child-lock off.”
“No.”
“I’m going to fucking barf, Andrew please.’
“Breathe it in boys, breathe it in”
…
“I smell melancholy.”
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