Jimmy, age thirteen, was home alone. His mother had gone out to get groceries, and his father was still at work. Pretty typical, only child stuff. What wasn’t typical was the tub of ice-cream Jimmy found in the freezer.
Jimmy’s father had stashed it there, and currently, Jimmy was really jonesing for some sweet delicious cream. But, he felt conflicted.
As Jimmy sat, staring into the open freezer, oblivious to the growing electricity bill, he felt noises on his shoulder.
Pop!
Poof!
Jimmy started in surprise. On his shoulders lay two little figures.
“Don’t eat the ice cream, Jimmy!” called the one on the right. It was dressed in flowing white robes and had a halo over its head.
“Eat it, Jimmy!” called the one on the left. This one was wearing a red suit jacket with two little red horns sticking out from its balding head.
For a moment, Jimmy was too stunned to speak, but after a moment of gaping in disbelief, Jimmy asked them who they were.
“We’re the devil and angel on your shoulder!” They cried in unison.
“Oh, yeah,” Jimmy said, “I remember.” This was not the first time the angel and devil had graced his shouldertops.
He turned back towards the ice-cream.
“So what should I do?” Jimmy asked.
“Don’t eat it,” the angel cried, “it will make your father so sad!”
Jimmy nodded. He didn’t want to upset his father.
“Eat the ice cream,” the devil said, “you are more important than your father.”
Jimmy thought the devil’s line of reasoning made sense. He had usually prioritized himself in most practices. But a nagging feeling persisted.
“I just don’t think that will work out in the long run,” Jimmy said, “Like I feel like I’ll end up getting punished.”
“Interesting reasoning,” the shoulder angel said, “but I’ll take a win where I can.”
“What a loser,” the shoulder devil said defensively. “Only idiots think about long-term effects when making decisions.”
“What?” said Jimmy.
“I haven’t thought about long-term consequences once in my life!” the shoulder devil said, “and guess who just made 200% profit in Ethereum last week?”
“You did?” Jimmy guessed.
“Yep,” The shoulder devil said confidently, “so what do we think about the ice cream now?”
“I guess that reasoning is solid,” Jimmy said, “you are clearly doing very well for yourself.” The shoulder devil nodded confidently, he was wearing a four-thousand-dollar custom stitched XXXXXXXXXXXS Armani suit after all. In comparison, the angel looked like a complete dunce in his robes and sandals.
The shoulder devil and angel watched as Jimmy gobbled the ice cream down.
Later that night, Jimmy’s father came home from work. He’d had a rough day, and the one thing that had kept him going was the promise of ice cream at the end of the shift. When he saw that there was no ice cream, he berated Jimmy for hours.
Jimmy sat in his bedroom. Dried tears speckled his cheeks. He looked out the window towards the open road. Maybe I should just run away, he thought.
Poof!
Pop!
“Don’t do it!” the angel yelled.
Jimmy waited for another voice to ring out but heard nothing. He turned his head towards his left shoulder.
The shoulder devil was sitting with his head in his hands, a miniature bottle of rum lying half-finished next to him.
“Shoulder Devil?” Jimmy asked.
“What?” the shoulder devil slurred back at him
“Don’t you want to give me some advice?” Jimmy prodded.
The devil glared at him with bleary eyes. He said nothing.
“Do your job, SD,” the shoulder angel reproached. The shoulder devil did not react. He just kept on staring at his hands.
“I’m fucking ruined,” the Shoulder devil murmured to himself.
“Huh?” Jimmy said.
“Are you fucking deaf?” the devil said before reitterating, “ Are. I. Fucking. Deaf?”
The shoulder devil was too upset to correct himself.
He glanced around to see if anyone had noticed his fumbling of words. Jimmy and the shoulder angel had noticed, but they felt super uncomfortable, so they just pushed through.
“How were you ruined?” Jimmy asked.
“The fucking cryptocurrency,” the shoulder devil said, “It was the god damn motherfucking cryptocurrency bullshit.”
“Hey now, let’s ease up on the profanity,” the shoulder angel said.
“Shut up you stupid fuck,” the devil said, “I don’t give a fuck anymore.”
“Wow, shoulder devil, that’s pretty harsh,” Jimmy said.
“That’s not even my fucking name.
“What?”
“My name isn’t shoulder devil.”
Jimmy was confused. “How is that possible?” He asked.
The shoulder devil pounded his dress shoes into Jimmy’s shoulder in indignation, “I have a life outside of your shoulder, you know.”
Jimmy was stricken, but the shoulder devil was just getting started, “Yeah, I bet you’ve never even thought about that, huh?
“I don’t know…”
“You know why? It’s because you never think of anyone except yourself, but yeah, dumbass, we both have full fucking lives away from you.”
“I’m sorry,” Jimmy said.
“Wow, all my problems are now solved” The shoulder devil said sarcastically, “Instead of being a sorry little dipshit, why don’t you do something helpful for once in your life and grab Lester some of your daddy’s whiskey.”
“Who’s Lester?” Jimmy asked.
“Lester is me,” the shoulder devil said, and Lester doesn’t talk to people who aren’t doing what he says.”
“Why are you speaking in the third person?” Jimmy asked.
Lester glared at Jimmy through bleary eyes before he groaned, “Jesus fucking Christ kid, you really are the worst, I hope your dad fucking hits you this time.”
“Why would he do that?” Jimmy asked.
“What, you think I only bet my own money?” Lester said, “your dad’s going to have to sell this fucking house to even start to try and climb out of the hole I dug for us.”
“Jesus,” said Jimmy.
“Jesus isn’t real you little fuck,” Lester the shoulder devil said, “Nothing is. It’s all fucking bullshit.”
Jimmy felt bad for the shoulder devil. Sure, he had just insulted Jimmy pretty aggressively, but he had also tried his best to give Jimmy sound, albeit flawed, advice. Maybe what Lester the shoulder devil needed most was a friend.
“You still have me,” Jimmy said.
Lester the shoulder devil pulled a gun out of his pants and stuck it in his mouth.
“No!” the shoulder angel cried, jumping on Lester, “Don’t leave me with him!”
Jimmy heard a loud pop go off on his shoulder. A tiny crack blossomed into a large crack in the window in front of him.
Jimmy looked at his shoulder; both figures were crying. Lester had a long line of black blood running down his cheek.
“I’m so scared,” Lester cried, “I’m so scared.”
“Well,” Jimmy said knowingly, “looks like we’ve all learned a very valuable lesson.”
“Shut up,” the shoulder devil and angel said in unison.
Adam Rimland's Portfolio 